varieties_of_life

What does it really mean to be celibate?  I know celibacy is where you have absolutely no sexual contact at all including masturbation.  There is also a thing called partial celibacy where sexual contact is prohibited only with other people (so toys and masturbation are allowed).  It used to be common for couples to wait until marriage to have sex, but ever since the sexual revolution it has really been a personal and moral choice.  What I find quite interesting is that celibacy or admitting to celibacy is on the rise.  A lot of the younger celebrities these days are even talking about waiting til marriage to have sex, which is truly an encouraging sentiment especially to the fans these celebs are role models to.  It’s great that people are really being open about their choice regardless the reason.

So without going into specifics (time, date, et cetera) I am currently celibate.  Now to be clear being celibate was a choice I made when I became sober (I am a recoverying alcoholic/drug addict).  It has been a wonderful opportunity to get rid of people and things that were no good for me and really had no use in my life.  It has also been a great way to really gain insight on what I wanted in a relationship.  All in all it has been a great journey, but I admit there has been some struggles.  Some of my close friends really can’t believe that I have been celibate for as long as I have since in reality I’m a very sexual person (the quintessential lady on the street, but a freak in the bed).  Celibacy is a serious endeavor you have to commit to.  I’m not talking about “involuntary celibacy” which is pretty much a dry spell in your sex life, but real, hardcore celibacy.  Don’t get me wrong my sex drive has been over the top sometimes and I feel like I could pounce on the mailman, but I made a conscious decision not to. 

Another problem I found with celibacy is a hard time dating.  Yes I’ve dated some, but of course the temptation for me is too much.  I LOVE men.  Everything about them.  How they look, feel, smell (OMG a great smelling cologne can drive me nuts!!).  Do I really want to ruin the clarity and insight that I have in my life for a romp in the sheets?  I’m very open and honest about it, especially if we’ve had more than one date.  To be honest most men have been very understanding of my lifestyle, but cannot support it when they have their own needs to take care of.  I’m not going to be celibate forever, just until I feel it’s the right time.  When that will be?  I don’t know.  I didn’t abandon my sexuality just because I’m celibate, I still do things for pleasure.  To tell the truth I feel a lot more secure in my own sexuality now than I ever did.

So being celibate, is it good for you?  I know it has been for me.  Remember being celibate doesn’t mean being cut off from all human relationship; it doesn’t mean being lonely; it doesn’t mean being miserable.  It means opening yourself up to an experience like no other. 

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